Oh how men always keep surprising us… That is one of the reasons why we love them. I was wandering the dark alleys of the Internet, late in the night, too late, and I found this guy trying to fuck a zucchini. And that was on Youtube, not Youporn, so obviously, I was intrigued and I wanted to know more about this ‘highly advanced men’s masturbation technique’, but also scared of being scarred for life.
Sam reviews men’s masturbation techniques
The youtube channel INCENDIUM belongs to a guy called Sam. He’s pathetic, as stated in the ‘about’ section of the channel. He has 23 videos on there, mostly reviewing Fleshlights and other masturbation devices for men. His seriousness actually makes the whole thing quite hilarious. In his latest video, he tries a prostate massager. Straight guys are rarely that open about what they put in their ass so this down-to-earth review is refreshing.
He manages to bring out the pragmatic reality of sexuality today and the drastic changes men are faced with in this new sexual world. For example, he has a video called ‘Does Pornhub’s ‘fuck now’ feature actually work?’ or ‘I fell in love with my sex doll’. How many money traps do horny men have to avoid every day!? Tubes and company know exactly how to cash in on blue balls. So, while us girls giggle about how we kissed another girl after a couple of drinks, men click on questionable banner ads and fuck plastic pussies.
Sam’s character shines some light onto a dark, dark corner of the sex industry. Us women, we are free to talk about our sex stories, it is now even widely welcomed, but very few men feel free to do the same because, well, the male corner is much, much dirtier and scarier than ours. It is filled with fear and loneliness and ugliness. I mean, I can’t erase the image of the mouth pocket monster out of my head.
Fantastic Sucking Zucchini
Six months ago, he started the series Sam fucks household objects, with a video testing the famous apple pie as a masturbation… ‘outlet’. He’s now recently tried the less famous but healthier and vegan-friendly zucchini, after browsing the site JackInWorld which lists the best mediums for men to unload in/on/around…
Sam takes us through the whole process, from buying the zucchini to carving its insides and trying it on himself. Of course, the screen turns dark when he starts jerking off. No disappointment here, nobody would really want to see that, but it’s quite hilarious to listen to him going through the motions during this highly sarcastic adventure. I won’t spoil the ending for you but let’s just say you had better eat the damn thing.
Are men disgusting?
When a man shares his masturbation techniques with the world, it is not as enticing as when a woman does. It’s just how the world works. Yet, it is a window into the truth, the horrible truth about sex, the one we do not want to hear about, the one we often judge men for, forgetting that the world never promised to be pretty.
Try dipping a toe into the lone male sex industry and see that they are not despicable creatures but desperate, lonely human beings craving to be touched, like flower petals, opening up to bees who will never show because they blame pollen for their problems and they’re too busy to make honey, anyway.
Of course, this is only one facet of reality and women enjoy the greatness of men everyday. Women are disgusting too. And it’s okay, it shows our divine side being aware of our animal side. Sex itself is beautiful and dirty at the same time. Women just have a little bit more… ‘finesse’ when it comes to it.
It’s great that men explore new ways of enjoying their own libido, but that only works when there is a communication line between the two genders. Women love how dirty men are, it gets our brain and our pussy wet to see how much they want to fuck us. But we are more and more isolated from each other. Porn or toys could never replace true sex. We’ve always had trouble understanding each other and nowadays, it’s like we don’t even want to try. What’s going to help us? Tinder??
It’s only by committing to someone for real that you can start understanding the nature of men and women and their relationship, but that’s not so trendy right now so fuck it and swipe left.
April 25, 2019 8:42 pm
You tarnished the Lord’s name.
May 30, 2019 3:06 pm
Porn and toys are desserts, sex is the main dish. Sometimes when the main dish isn’t available, well, just desserts.
June 13, 2019 6:55 pm
Wow great article
December 30, 2019 4:24 pm
That is a very sexist article
May 9, 2020 8:26 pm
wow, beautiful article congratulations! 🙂
July 9, 2020 1:41 pm
There is for sure still a ton of bias towards sex toys for men. It’s interesting how that’s swapped in the past few decades. Prior, it was ‘weird’ for women to embrace self-love, now it’s so common that it’s weird if you don’t masturbate. But if a guy owns a toy, a lot of people think it’s creepy.. It’s sad this paradigm!