Shooting sex and writing about it have given me a lot of opportunities to rethink my ways. When I think about my first years as a sexually-active woman, I realise the lack of knowledge about sexuality and the pressure of having “great” sex gave me quite a few obstacles, which I am now happy to analize and move on from.
1. I don’t have to do everything
With that I mean that I often felt like whatever the guy would ask me, I would do it, because I didn’t know much and couldn’t compare with many other guys. I also felt like I had to comply. I didn’t even think of my own pleasure but more about my partner’s. It’s awesome to give the other person a great time, but it’s also crucial to enjoy yourself.
2. Avoid carpets
Or it will burn the hell out of your knees or ass. True story.
3. I don’t have to orgasm
I feel like there is such a massive pressure to come that it sometimes keeps me from climaxing. If I didn’t, I would often feel like I let myself down and I blame myself for not being more ‘in the moment’. First, as a woman raised in this society, as you can see, my first reflex is to blame myself. Second, there shouldn’t even be anybody to blame. You can still really have a great time without climaxing and it doesn’t mean somebody forgot to push the button. I just try to enjoy myself.
4. Switch fingers
A little finger in my ass is always a little of a surprise for me, but I often like it. Just remember to switch fingers guys, nobody likes it when your pee burns…
5. There is such thing as too much lube
I always kind of thought that lube was like this free buffet: the more you put on your plate, the better time you’re going to have. Turns out, too much lube will make the sex feel like Neo when he’s waking up outside the Matrix for the first time, and your bed sheets will be soaked. Use with reason.
6. Have your own box of
As a woman, I often thought it was the guy’s job to buy and bring the condoms. I now realise that was pretty stupid. When I moved into a room in Barcelona last year, the former occupant had left a nice little drawer filled with condoms of all kinds. As I love free stuff, I took them and got myself my own collection of sizes, colors…
I feel like I am more in control when I’m the one who takes the condom from the box, especially when we’re at my place. Besides, I like to know what goes inside my body, so I like to have my own condoms. I guess it’s the same with guys though…